Warheads Beer: A Review
Hello All, Mark here once again with another rant/blog post. This one on the Warheads beer that I did a quick review on for this week’s episode. We seem to have attracted a lot of interest in it, so here’s a bit more in-depth review for y’all.
First off, a disclaimer. I am not really a beer guy. Like at all. 9 times out of 10 its whiskey for me. I once started a brawl in a frat run bar down in Shippensburg PA when I found out they only served beer, by quipping “No wonder you’re all called frat “boys”, boys drink beer, men drink whiskey!” Now that being said, I do drink it on occasions (they tell me drinking hard liquor every day is called “alcoholism”), but just like my whiskey and my tobacco, I want my beer to taste like, well beer. So I don’t drink anything considered “good” by beer snobs (Oh hello, Fergus!). I am literally the Most Interesting Man in the World meme: “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, its Miller High Life……or Yuengling. In college I drank Budweiser or as we called it (and I still do to this day) “Bud Heavy”. I keep a case of High Life in the fridge (or occasionally get a half when I can be arsed to keep my kegerator full) for races on TV and when company comes. But otherwise meh.
That all changed with this. A local arsty-fartsy beer place by my house was advertising Warheads beer. Seeing the cans done up like the familiar candy wrapper with THAT logo, transported me back to Junior High. Warheads candies are legendary to people of my age bracket. Little hard candies of sour insanity. We popped them like Tic-Tacs or Pez as youths. And everyone aged liked 32-40 has a story of “some kid” who burned/blistered/mutilated their tongue with one. That “some kid” is me. With the Warheads lolipops. Anyway, they are the balls, as Dave likes to say, so warheads beer? Count me in.
The ad I saw was from a Friday, and it wasn’t until the following Monday that I was able to take the roadster down to get some. Well, of course the guy tells me that their whole allotment was sold out that same Friday, but they might get another smaller shipment in that day if I wanted to hang around. Equal parts bored and curious, I agreed, and wouldn’t you know who won the pony? More did indeed come in.
That was when I nearly died of a heart attack (I am a fat man afterall). The Warheads brew only comes in 4-packs of cans (each containing one of each flavor) so I figured since its apparently rare and a hot seller, I’d better get two packs. The man rings it up and tells me its 48. 48 what? 48 fucking dollars? Holy shit! Suitably chastened, I returned to my house and put them in the fridge, wowing to save them for some occasion that a $6 can of beer would call for.
Here’s some background that I discovered when I began looking up the beers when I got home. They are made as I said by Artisanal Brew Works in Saratoga, New York. From what I can tell Artisanal makes this and about 50 different IPAs (which good God above, do I HATE IPAs. Hello again, Fergus!), but they have a beard in their logo, so I like that. Aside from the price point I was disappointed to learn that these Warheads brews are only 5% ABV. I have been told for years that the point of a good hipster beer is they are loaded with alcohol. Well, as one of my favorite memes says “Those bastards lied to me”.
Now I reviewed the Blue Raspberry for the episode this week, so I won’t dwell too much on that, but I did have a chance to at least try all the other flavors in the time since we recorded this and now. And I have to say, the Blue Raspberry is the second best of the four overall. Tastes a good bit like the candies did, is the most sour of the four (but as we’ll find with all the flavors, none are anywhere NEAR as sour as the candies) and I loved the bright blue color, so go team.
The Lemon is probably third best. It is a yellow color, but beer is usually yellow, so meh. It’s probably the second most sour of the four, but again, its LEMON, it better be sour. It also tastes a bit like the candies, but nothing to right home about. Overall, I would say pass on these. But sadly…….
We have the Green Apple. This just pissed me right the fuck off. Green Apple Warheads were my favorite as a kid, bar none. They were just the best. I would pick them all out of the giant tubs from Sam’s Club. So imagine my abject horror when I discovered that it is the WORST of the four, and it ain’t even close. Its not sour, like at all. It also doesn’t taste like the candy, or any apple candy. Hell it doesn’t even taste like apple. It has a bland I don’t know what the hell it is flavor, with an awful metal aftertaste. It cost $6 a can. I can go on. They did get the color right, big whoop.
So I saved the best for last. Black Cherry, which is ironic, as it appears that I didn’t take a picture of it. I think I still have one left, so maybe I’ll update this post later. Deep red color, very close flavor to the candy, nice aroma, decent amount of sourness. If you could buy a four-pack of just these, I would buy it. Well, if its not $24 anyway. But best here really means “least worst” (although Blue Raspberry isn’t awful either, in fairness).
So overall, it was fun as a novelty, but pretty meh. The lack of alcohol frankly sucks, and whoever approved the “flavor” of the Sour Apple should be drawn and quartered. Also $48? Seriously? Like I get the licensing of the name is expensive, but come on man. My final verdict: I’m not sorry I tried it, but I can’t recommend it, unless you are an absolute Warheads nut. Or Fergus.
Rating 5.5/10
